How To Do Friends With Benefits Without Catching Feelings

Kicking off a friends-with-benefits relationship can be a lot of liberating fun and it could get complicated really fast if some ground rules are not followed. After all, it’s a hookup with no strings attached between two people who genuinely like and trust each other. But, of course, that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s uncomplicated.

It’s hard to prescribe a clear-cut set of rules for being friends with benefits—every situation is different. But there is one thing these relationships all have in common: a need for some good old-fashioned communication. It’s always a good idea to talk about what the expectations are—at some point! maybe not in bed!—and even set a few guidelines about what’s going to go down before things go down. That’s a lot of frank talk before the fun stuff, but things can get a little knotty if both parties aren’t on the same page. We asked the experts for their best advice for navigating a friends-with-benefits situation with minimal drama.

Below are 5 rules for your perusal

• Be clear about what you’re looking for

Whenever you’re deciding the rules in a FWB relationship, it’s best to be as transparent as possible, open to compromises, and never be judgmental or make the conversation one-sided,” says relationship expert and host of the Sex With Emily podcast, Emily Morse, Ph.D. “Have the conversation in a neutral environment and always come from a place of honesty and care.”

Trying to keep things casual doesn’t mean that you have to go full cool-girl and just go along with what your partner wants. Speak up for yourself and advocate for what you want too.

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• Don’t expect it to turn into a relationship.

Be sure you’re cool with this being exactly what it is and nothing more. “It is important to be aware of one’s own true intentions and feelings when entering into an arrangement like this,” says Dawn Michael, Ph.D., a relationship expert.

• Check in intermittently with how you’re feeling

“Let your friend with benefits know that you want to make sure you both are on the same page,” says Morse. It’s an important step in making sure you’re not hurting each other’s feelings down the line.

“If at some point you’re enjoying yourself too much and want to spend more time with your FWB, then it may be time to reevaluate the situation,” adds relationship coach Ellin Bolin. “If you’re getting too attached, then it’s time to have a discussion.”

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• Know where to draw the line

Even if these are the best orgasms you’ve ever had, this isn’t the same as having a romantic partner—that means standard pillow talk and hanging out one-on-one outside of the sex sesh is sometimes off the table. “Communication is about the wheres and whens of hooking up,” says relationship therapist Rhonda Milrad. “You are not building an intimate relationship, but rather just having fun and enjoying one another physically.”

• Talk about how it’s going to end

Assuming you’re not sexing off into the sunset together, it’s way better to talk about the end before it happens, says relationship expert Wendi Dumbroff. What if they meet someone they want to be exclusive with? What if you do? And what happens if someone decides they’re just not into it anymore? It might be hard to visualize the end of something, but it’ll potentially save a lot of heartaches to acknowledge that it might not last forever early on. Let them know you plan to talk about it if you meet someone else, and that they should feel free to do the same. That way, you run less of a risk of tanking the friendship when you stop boning.

Courtesy: GLAMOUR